A rant about St. Francis (and Steve)...

A legend about St. Francis has been stalking my ministry and I just can’t keep silent anymore!! Everyone’s favorite St. Francis quote (which btw is actually a quote from some guy named Steve from 1993) is “Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary use words.” There is Gospel truth in this statement: they will know that we are disciples by how we love one another—Jesus taught us this 1,960 years before Steve. The lesson is found in John 13:

^“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

Jesus and Steve are both correct; the most powerful expressions of love are selfless actions and LOVE is the most effective form of preaching. How fitting that Jesus washes his disciples’ feet at the beginning of John 13 before telling them to love one another? He’s awesome.

But notice that Jesus doesn’t say “Love one another as I have just loved you at the beginning of this chapter.” He says that they should love one another as He has loved them ALL ALONG. So to get a sense of this you have to read the whole Gospel… or get a fancy version that has Jesus’ words printed in red. You’ll notice that he NEVER STOPS TALKING!! Jesus has two primary ways of loving people: He (1) does selfless things, and He (2) speaks Truth to people.

Jesus heals people, He feeds people, He raises the dead, He embraces people, and He collects people at the margins of society…. but He also preaches, teaches, testifies, witnesses, prays out loud, speaks truth to power, convicts, rebukes, proclaims, cries out, weeps, calls, questions, answers, and uses words ALL THE TIME.

So what is my problem with the quote? My problem is that it’s an easy cop out… and I use it all of the time.

An atheist can do good works. I know people who believe in nothing and yet still feed the poor, comfort the afflicted, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless, visit the imprisoned, and love the rejected. If you ask them why they do this I know they will give passion-filled answers—like a sense of justice, the mutual connectedness of mankind, and moral responsibility—that would inspire you to do good works too.

However, when people see Christians do good works it’s different. When people ask us “Why do you do this?” our answers don’t just inspire them to begin doing good works too… our answers inspire people to CHANGE THEIR WHOLE ENTIRE LIVES!!!

I love people with my actions because God first loved me! Even though I was stuck in my own selfishness and sin the One True God—Creator of the Whole Freaking Universe—loved me more than anything else in Creation and if I didn’t share this love with the people around me I would explode!

I love people with my actions because my God allowed for His arms to be stretched out and for His hands to be nailed to a Cross to rescue me from the destruction of my sin… and daily striving to be just 1/1,000,000,000,000,000 as good to someone else as my God was to me is the only way I know how to say “THANK YOU!”

I love people with my actions because Jesus Christ told me to meet Him in the face of the poor, the hungry, the least, and I do—I do find Him exactly where He said He would be—and I can’t stop looking because I long to see Him more clearly.

I love people because I have been adopted by the Father of Jesus Christ and loving people is the family business—the chief thing that gives us our identity and reminds us day after day that no matter how bad things get, no matter how lonely we feel WE ARE NOT ALONE.

I love people with my actions because I look forward to the promised day when all people will be whole, holy, redeemed, and living according to the Will of my Father in the Kingdom and I take seriously my responsibility to build that Kingdom!

But nobody really knows any of this… because I NEVER TELL THEM. And when I am not telling them I make myself feel better—noble even— by saying some cliché “I’m preaching with my actions today!” version of Steve’s quote. And that’s not what Jesus wants me to do.

Of course you should do good things. After all, faith without works is dead. But works without spoken faith IS NOT PREACHING… it’s just a good deed.

Here, I have re-written Steve's wisdom: “Preach with words and live a lifestyle of habitual goodness so that you don’t sound full of crap.” It’s not catchy… but its so much more effective. And I'm willing to bet that St. Francis would approve!

How I won lent by being bad at it...

Obviously it's not possible to "win" Lent… but if the goal is to come to a new understanding of our own sinfulness and God's mercy, then I've scored. Here is a story about how God taught me a lesson, and then taught me that EXACT SAME LESSON all in the same day… God is pretty cool.

This all happened two days ago. I woke up and ate leftover pulled pork for breakfast and then later I had a buffalo chicken sub from Subway for lunch… yum. But why is that relevant? Because two days ago was FRIDAY. And not just any Friday… but a FRIDAY IN LENT. For those who don't know, Catholics "abstain" from eating meat on Fridays in Lent. It's not like a mortal sin to mess this up, but it's something that the whole Church is called to do, and whenever ALL of us are doing something, it's pretty special.

I think that most Catholics can resonate with the experience of completely forgetting that it was Friday, or even forgetting that it was Lent altogether and they had resolved to be different for 40 days. But what I did two days ago was different because NINE days ago (another Friday in Lent) I had chicken soup for lunch… GASP.

Later (two days ago) I was driving and was hit by a pretty powerful realization. Obviously Lent isn't about not eating meat on Fridays, but it IS about taking an intentional look at our relationships with God. See, I don't just forget not to eat meat on Fridays, I often forget that I am a follower of Christ.

I didn't eat the meat because I was feeling defiant and I don't sin out of defiance either. I ate the meat (and I sin) out of carelessness and inattention. And because my relationship with Christ is not first-and-foremost in my attention I frequently make choices that I would not make if I first asked myself, "Is this something a Christian should say… do… eat?" In many ways the defiant sinner is holier than I am because at least they are thinking about God when they choose to sin… I'm just not thinking about God at all.

But eating the meat was kind of an abstract lesson for me… one that God made VERY FREAKING CONCRETE like five hours later.

So when I had my "driving epiphany" I was driving to a retreat for Youth and Young Adult Ministers in the Archdiocese of Detroit. During the night prayer service they mentioned that the Sacrament of Reconciliation would be available to us and I wanted to go.

(A brief aside on my Sacrament of Reconciliation habits. I don't receive this Sacrament anywhere near as often as I need to, but I always go when it is offered, and in my line of work that is sometimes frequently.)

Now when I go to Confession I always have to go to go first. This is because I am an extremely impatient person and this ugly side of me seems to come out most noticeably in the Confessional line. This night was no different. I flew through my examination of conscience and went into the confessional. I had pretty adequately examined myself but I hadn't thought about how long it had been since my last Confession, so when the priest asked me my wheels started spinning. I knew it had been recently so I just said "about six or seven weeks ago" and proceeded to confess my sins.

But that was a lie because my last confession was not, in fact, six or seven weeks ago… it was TWO weeks ago (when I had been on another retreat such as this one). This minor chronological snafu (like eating the meat on Friday) would not have been a huge deal EXCEPT that I pretty much confessed all of the same sins that I had confessed two weeks earlier. MEANING that I went to confession… confessed a bunch of sins… then committed most of those sins again over the course of the next two weeks… and wound up needing to ask forgiveness all over again.

Again, I don't sin defiantly, I sin because of carelessness and inattention. Further proof that I need to make my relationship with God a more constant focus of my attention. These two experiences (eating meat and going to confession) probably had to both happen on one day because I would have missed their significance otherwise. I probably miss so much more on a daily basis.

So yeah, you can't "win" Lent… but we are supposed to reflect on our own sinfulness and upon God's mercy. The mercy part of all of this is that God is the furthest thing from careless and inattentive and that He continues to teach us, inspire us, humble us… no matter how often we sin (or eat meat on Fridays during Lent).

Why I defend Justin Bieber (and you should too)

November 2013

I am sitting in a breakout session of high school students during our Parish's Whole Community Catechesis event. The story we are focusing on is Ruth and Naomi and the topic is commitment to discipleship. Our extremely skilled catechist poses the question "Can you think of people in today's world that are committed to building the Kingdom of God?"

A freshman girl raises her hand, "Justin Bieber" she responds.

"Can you explain?" the Catechist asks.

"Well he visits kids in the hospital a lot." She replies.

An older girl in the room is troubled by this exchange and shouts out, "Are you kidding me?! He does drugs, mistreats his fans, and was even caught with a prostitute last week. He is a jerk and not a good example to anyone." Many other kids erupt with their own "Bieber bashing" before the Catechist calls the room back to attention.

The conversation moves on-- with somewhat more worthy examples of Kingdom building being named by the participants.

A week later…

I didn't think much about these Bieber comments until I received a Facebook message from the girl who had originally brought up Justin Bieber… and she was ANGRY. The message (in summary) said this…

"I am really mad about what people said about Justin Bieber! I didn't mean to say that he was perfect, but he DOES do good things! But I am EVEN MORE UPSET AT YOU! How could you not say anything when people were being mean to him? He is only 19 years old!!! Isn't it your job to love teenagers and support them? None of us is perfect, every one of us has problems. If God has given up on Justin then He has given up on all of us! You should seriously consider sticking your neck out to support young people like Justin when they are being put down at your church!"

Let that sink in for a minute…

Now this girl wasn't just angry… she was RIGHTEOUSLY angry. And she had a really good point. If any "real" kid in my Church did the things that Justin Bieber has done in his life (and some of them have), I would NEVER have allowed anyone to speak that way about them!

Last week…

Now I am standing in a prayer circle with a group of teen girls who are unrelated to the story above from November. It comes time to share our own prayer intentions and one of the girls says "I want to pray for Justin Bieber, may God help him to sort out all of the confusing influences in his life, and give him the courage to face his addictions and accept love from the people who truly have his best interests in mind."

Let that sink in for a minute…

Teens who "get" the Gospel apply the Gospel to Justin Bieber-- how can I not call that the Spirit of God at work in the World?

I'll admit that Justin Bieber really annoys me. My first reaction to seeing his goofy smirking mug shot is to dislike him. But guess what! Many people's first reaction to seeing me is to not like me either-- and I take solace every day in the knowledge that I am Beloved of my Father in Heaven.

I don't like what Justin Bieber does. I disapprove of drugs, prostitutes, drag racing, and bad music. And I still say all of those things frequently. But when saying all of those things I now also say that Justin Beiber is Beloved of our Father in Heaven. Of THAT-- I am a belieber!

5 Songs 5 Stories- Songs I've deeply prayed...

This may be the first of one post like this from me. My intention had been to do a series of 5 Songs 5 Stories posts but this one took me two weeks to write and I'm not sure I'll ever find the courage to write another one. That being said, if YOU would like to write one and post it on your own blog, I would be love to read it, and would be happy to link to it so that others could too!

I would be lost without music. Below are five songs and five stories of how I encountered them in prayer and how each changed my life. I hope you enjoy!

Matt Redman- "Heart of Worship"

When I was 15 years old I went to a Catholic youth leadership camp for the summer. I was entering my sophomore year of high school and had become extremely active in my parish's LIFE TEEN program and in campus ministry at my high school. I was a good kid-- I made good choices, I had good friends who made those choices pretty easy, and I wasn't afraid to talk about my faith. On the other hand I was still a 15 year old kid and had a lot of insecurity, self-doubt, and fear of rejection on the inside. When you are a good 15 year old kid and you share your faith and make good choices people notice you... your friends tell you that you inspire them, your parents and youth ministers say they are proud of you... and over time it becomes more and more humbling to share your faults and your fears with others.

My time at this conference really helped me to understand the struggle and harmony between outward devotion and inner transformation. At a Eucharistic Adoration service during the event Matt Maher played this song, it was the first time I had ever heard it. The song is about coming back to the heart of worship and making things all about Jesus after our pride has led us to worship for our own glory. This wasn't really what was happening with me... but I did realize that if I continued letting others' praise build my pride to the point that I couldn't be honest about my inner struggles then I wouldn't be an authentic disciple. As Matt played this song I started to weep, like the whole burden of continuing to be anything more than who I really was had been lifted. After the service one of the adult leaders, Brian, came up to me and shared how inspired he was by the high school students who had stepped up to witness to their faith despite the struggles we faced. I started crying again (I was kind of moody in high school) because hearing him say that was an affirmation that being honest about the struggle wouldn't let anyone down or make anyone think less of me, but would in fact impact others in very real ways.

Casting Crowns- "And Now My Lifesong Sings"

Another high school story: My high school opened a new building and moved to a new campus the summer between my sophomore and junior years. This is a whole process (strangely one that I went through in middle school too) and it's a huge adjustment. Then tragically, in my Junior year our principal drove under the influence of alcohol and was killed when he drove his car into a truck. The hallways of our new building that already seemed impossibly empty seemed three times as empty without our beloved principal passing through them. Things at our school remained unsettled for many many months.

In the fall of my senior year, Casting Crowns was coming to play a concert at EMU. They were releasing their album Lifesong and I was a huge fan! Our new principal (cool fact: our new principal, Mr. Wolcott, was Brian from the story above this one) wrote their lead singer a note about our school and some of the struggles we had been through, and invited them to stop by the school when they were in Ann Arbor. It turns out that many of the members of Casting Crowns used to be youth ministers and teachers, so they love young people! They responded to the principal's letter by coming to our school to play a concert for us. It was amazing!

The band members introduced themselves to the audience and told us that they knew some of our school's story. They asked permission to pray with us and then played "And Now My Lifesong Sings".  I sat in the front row with the rest of the senior class and really prayed this song. It marked a turning point for me because it was the first time that I really felt at home in our school and at peace with all that had happened. This is one of the few songs that I can sing (my singing voice is terrible) and I still sing it to this day when I feel unsettled.

David Crowder*Band- "Wholly Yours"

In my first job as a youth minister I took a group of high school students to a David Crowder*Band concert at a nearby mega-church. The concert was amazing and the audience was made up of mostly youth groups. But in the middle of the concert a large group of adults and young people gathered up all of their things and abruptly ran out of the Church, a few members of the group were crying and the adults seemed really flustered... it was weird.

After the current song had ended the youth pastor of the church came out and explained that a youth group had just left to go to the hospital because one of their members was rescued after spending five minutes under water and they needed to be with the family. The youth pastor led us in a moment of silence for the young man and then turned the microphone back over to David Crowder.

Now this situation was horrifying for multiple reasons. First, the number one fear of any youth pastor-- and something I thankfully have never had to do-- is that you will have to bury one of your kids. It's unthinkable, and even the most seasoned youth pastors need lots of help to get through it. Young people just shouldn't die. Second, there is really no prayer that is fitting in a situation like this (thank you to whoever invented the moment of silence). What do you even say to God in this moment? If the boy lives he will undoubtedly have severe brain damage. But because he's so young our hearts just don't know how to ask for a peaceful death or a loving welcome into Eternal Life. Thirdly, David Crowder is now supposed to continue a rock concert... I was so glad that I was not him in that moment.

I'm not sure exactly what he said when he took back the microphone but it was something like, "Well brothers and sisters, what we are doing here tonight just got real, pray this with us..." and then the band played a meditative extended version of their song "Wholly Yours". It was brilliant, instead of worrying about what to pray we placed ourselves in God's Hands and trusted that giving up ourselves would be enough. This song continues to be Sacred to me and it's been played at every dark moment of my life since.

Guy Sebastian and Paulini- "Receive the Power"

First, 2008 was like my ministry-fail year and World Youth Day 2008 is still to this day one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my life (note: this song was the theme song for WYD08). Things had gotten so bad for me at my job that I had already quit by the time that WYD came in July but I still went to fulfill my commitment to the kids who had signed up and because I had paid a lot of money.

Now to clarify, the group of pilgrims that I got to take to Australia were amazing and the event itself was also pretty spectacular. But while on the trip many of the same dynamics that had forced me to leave the position resurfaced and I was really miserable. There were people in the group that I just couldn't communicate with... and it was ugly... and people (including my younger sister who I am REALLY protective of) got hurt... and let's just say that many people, myself included, failed to be Christ-like.

WYD is also an interesting event because at the end... right when your tank hits empty after traveling halfway around the world and then spending a week running around whichever country it is in... everyone goes to a large field and sleeps on the ground overnight during a prayer vigil while waiting for the closing Mass. There is no way to adequately prepare for this experience, especially since traveling to Australia meant that we couldn't bring sleeping bags and tarps with us. By this point, I was DONE. I just wanted to be home. I had been barely surviving for a long time and I just couldn't any longer.

Then Guy Sebastian started singing this song as the priest moved across the stage for Eucharistic Benediction. Two of my boys came up to me during this-- and I admit I was pissed because I thought they were going to ruin the moment by asking to go to the bathroom or something-- and put their arms around me as we prayed. One of them thanked me for bringing them to WYD, the other just told me that he loved me... I have never in my life felt the arms of Jesus around me as clearly as I did in that moment.

Sure, teens minister to their youth ministers ALL of the time... but I find this the most powerful when you get a kid who not only does so intentionally but is also clued in enough to understand why he or she is really ministering to you. And these two boys met both criteria. This is an awesome song, although I think ANY song playing at that moment would have been meaningful, and I am happy to report that their ministry to me gave me enough to get through the rest of the trip and home safely.

Natalie Grant- "Held"

Many of you know that I have recently been transitioning back to life in my hometown after spending five years in Chicago attending graduate school. These first few weeks back in town have included a lot of time reconnecting with old friends, and life has been harder for many of my friends than I would have wished. I was driving home from dinner with one of my friends and I had the radio off and was just praying "Hold her, Jesus" over and over not knowing what to pray. I really struggle to pray while driving and my mind was all over the place so I thought I would turn on WMUZ and see what they were playing. The first song on was "Held" by Natalie Grant. I am normally not a Jesus-speaks-to-me-through-the-radio Christian... but c'mon... to hear a song whose main lyrics is "this is what it means to be held" after praying "Hold her, Jesus" over and over again is a pretty powerful experience. Another lyrics is "the promise was that when everything fell we'd be held" and it was like Jesus saying "I got this!" I promise to stop rolling my eyes at y'all who tell me that Jesus speaks through the radio, I believe you now!

The one where I stop getting robbed...

I am getting really excited for Pope Francis's first World Youth Day Message coming in July. The theme of these messages often chart the course for youth ministry programs around the world. To get an idea of what the tone of the message might be, I searched for other addresses that he has given to young people as Pontiff. I stumbled upon an address he gave to a group of students from Jesuit schools in Italy and Albania (see his Audience 7 June 2013).

His message to the young people was delivered in his usual simplicity but his ending comment really struck me. He wrote: "I would like to say one thing to all you young people: do not let yourselves be robbed of hope! Please, do not let yourselves be robbed of it!" It's more than advice, he is pleading with them not to allow this to happen.

Now I don't know if I still count as a "young person"… but I feel like I do. And the Pope pleading for me not to be robbed of hope was pretty powerful. It was powerful in that it helped me to realize that I am CONSTANTLY letting things rob me of my hope.

Each time I turn on the news and see that another bishop, another priest, another leader of my faith community let us down by covering up an indiscretion… I let them rob me of hope.

Each time I open my Facebook page to see people who claim to love me saying horribly mean things about anyone "who could possibly believe" what I do… I let them rob me of hope.

Each time I hear many of my friends and my politicians advocate that my religious freedom be taken away… I let them rob me of hope.

It seems that everywhere I look I see that powerful forces are making the oppressed more oppressed, the poor poorer, the sick sicker, and the hungry hungrier… and I let them rob me of hope EVERY TIME.

The Gospel reading a few weeks ago was "Pick up your cross and follow me." When I was reflecting on it I struggled to articulate a specific cross that following Christ had required me to carry that was REALLY a cross (I may not love my salary, but it is just and I can more than live on it). But now I understand…

I know the truth. I've seen glimpses of the Kingdom. I know how all of this ends… and this knowledge is an INCREDIBLE SOURCE OF HOPE. My cross is that I have to choose to live with this hope and have it constantly under attack or give it up. And I can't give it up, God has written it to deeply on my heart.

So if I won't give it up, I'm not going to let others rob me of it either. I have more than enough to go around if anyone would like me to share and I give it freely because it was freely given to me, but I will no longer let it be taken.

Thanks Pope Francis, I will be watching in Rio (via TV, #ilovethefuture).

Living it.

Stop burying the dead!

In this weekend's Gospel, Jesus says something troubling. After calling someone to discipleship, the man asks to be allowed to go and bury his father, Jesus responds "Let the dead bury their own dead; but as for you, go out and proclaim the kingdom of God." Huh? How rude of Jesus to prevent a son from burying his father… but that's not the case. Jesus liked to break laws, but he didn't break the Commandments, so it's unlikely that Jesus is encouraging a son not to honor his father.

The traditional interpretation of this passage is that Jesus doesn't accept excuses. A true disciple is one who commits to walking the path of Christ without reservation or regret. This can be seen in the next verse, where Jesus says "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." True disciples jump in, as messy as their lives and circumstances may be, they jump ALL the way in.

But as I have been reading this passage I have begun to see a second meaning in it. Jesus can say "let the dead bury the dead" because they ALWAYS WILL. Only the living can bring others to new life, and to be a disciple means to be fully alive!

Christians bury bodies, and if the man in the Gospels simply needed an afternoon to put his father in the ground I am sure that Jesus would have said something like- "Yeah sure, but meet up with us at Mark's mom's house later!" But the man isn't asking to do this, he is asking to be allowed to go back and live "temporarily" the life in which he had no responsibility for helping his father to prepare for ETERNAL LIFE. And Jesus is like, "OH HECK NO!"

As a professional minister I get asked all of the time how to raise young people who love Christ and His Church. The only answer I ever have for this question is that we must be witnesses of our own faith and intentionally be in relationship with them. And when we choose death (a kind of spiritual zombie-hood), we are powerless to do anything but bury our dead young people. But when we REFUSE TO BE DEAD, when we unconditionally-- without reservation and regret-- choose to walk the path of Christ FULLY ALIVE, everyone, not just young people, will RISE.

But when you stop and truly think about the implications of individuals, of families, of Churches and communities standing up and refusing to bury the dead (but still responsibly put bodies in the ground), it suddenly makes the cost of discipleship not seem so high. It becomes easier to stop making excuses… and to that Jesus says, "O HECK YES!!!"

Surprising Yard Sale

The Church of Turtles has been down for the last few weeks(months) as I have finished graduate school and begun preparing for a new adventure. More on that later! Today's story:

A homeless man is having a yard sale outside of my apartment window… he is selling all of my belongings.

Now I will explain:

In advance of finishing graduate school, I have been applying to jobs all over the Midwest in the hope of entering full-time ministry. Because I didn't know where I would be living, or what I would need in the living arrangement, I didn't make plans for what to do with all of the STUFF I have accumulated in the last five years.

Somewhat unexpectedly I got a job REALLY close to my original home (like 1 mile). This is a blessing for many reasons but specifically because it allows me to move in with my parents until I can process my loan-repayment paperwork and qualify for the young-youth-minister-welcomed-into-poverty-repayment-plan.

I have moved/sold most of my furniture in the apartment, but the rest of the stuff now seems like "junk". My parents have no need for 7 mis-matched place settings, or for my take-out container tupperware collection (among other things). Since I didn't make a plan for any of this stuff I have been throwing it all away. It's not worth anything to me. In fact, I have complained all year that I lived in such as small space and could not entertain and get "nicer things". It was somewhat cathartic to throw out too… like I was shedding baggage before starting a new adventure.

On my last trip to the dumpster a man approached me and offered to sell me four plates for $0.10 each. I declined and told him that I had no need for plates. I then noticed that they were the same plates that I had thrown out earlier. The man offered to show me the rest of his items, and I looked across the concrete ledge under my apartment's window and saw my frying-pan with chipping teflon, my food stained Tupperware, my floor rugs, my ice cream scoop with cracked handle, and my worn cutting boards-- all for sale.

"Some whack job kid must be moving and throwing all of this good stuff out!" the man explained. I was stunned, I didn't know what to say, I couldn't admit to being the wasteful person he was accusing me of being. I live in a pretty poor neighborhood and yet seeing the poverty of my neighbors didn't give me an appreciation for the blessings that I had.

I was able to watch from my window as he sold my things for very low prices (my frying pan earned him 75 cents). I took down two more boxes of items and invited the man to sell them, I think he later understood that I had been the one throwing it all away. I felt bad for him, but he looked me straight in the eye like he felt bad for me. It was a humbling experience.

Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said, "You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me." When he heard this, he was shocked and went away grieving, for he had many possessions. -Mark 10:21-22